A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Bill walks into a bar and sees Bob sitting at the end of the bar
counter with a great big smile on his face. Bill says "Bob, what are
you so happy for?" "Well Bill, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out
waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Bill, tits out to here! She says 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Bill. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Bill, she couldn't swim!!"
The next day Bill walks into the bar and sees Bob sitting at the end of the bar counter with a bigger smile on his face. Bill says "What are you so happy about today Bob?" "Well Bill... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me... tits out to here, Bill, tits out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Bill, way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim!!, Bill, she couldn't swim!!!!"
A couple days pass and Bill walks into the bar and sees Bob down there cryin over a beer. Bill says "Bob, what are you so sad for?" "Well Bill, I gotta tell ya....
Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me...tits WAY out to here, Bill, tits WAY out to here. She says 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Bill, way WAY out... much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said 'Its either screw or swim!!'. She took off her skirt.... she had a dick, Bill !!! She had a great BIG dick!!! And Bill, I CAN'T SWIM,... I CAN'T SWIM !!!
euro_vs_america
few jokes ..
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