True Doctor Stories

[deth]

True Doctor Stories

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby
in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's --Dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX


At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big
breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied
the patient.

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA


One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada


I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both," I
requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on
the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what
I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
laughing too hard to finish the exam.

--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA


During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of his medications. Which one?" I asked. The patch. The
nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm
running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty
patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old
patch before applying a new one.

--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion
she answered . Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband
was alive."

--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR


I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get
used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the
jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI


And Finally . . . .



A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged
lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out
laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and
sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"

She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I
wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner

--won't admit his name

[Pokiou]

hahah gold

[ZfrkS62]

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner

...of all songs to subconciously pick up

LMAO!!!

[saadie]

LMAO .... very nice ...

BTW wahts KY jelly ?? ops:

[TransAm]

Originally Posted by saadie LMAO .... very nice ... BTW wahts KY jelly ?? ops:

Lubricant!

[numerouno]

LMFAO the fist and last ones were especially superb!!!

[TransAm]

Originally Posted by numerouno LMFAO the fist and last ones were especially superb!!!

freudian slip or typo???

[BADMIHAI]

I don't get the last one. What song is 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner"???

The rest, however, are hilarious.

[ZfrkS62]

Originally Posted by BADMIHAI I don't get the last one. What song is 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner"??? The rest, however, are hilarious.

kind of hard to describe on the internet.

i think they were singing it on The Simpsons once. the episode with the film festival when they have The Critic come in as a judge and stays with them (i can't remember the guys name who does his voice. i want to say it levitz but i could be wrong.)

He one ups Homer at every turn but Homer thinks he can still sing the song better, until that is the Critic leads Bart, Lisa and Maggie up and down the hall singing the song like Pavarati

(also the episode where Bart comes up on his bike to see the guy hanging from the roof by his boxers for telling Patty and Selma the MacGuyver was gay)


EDIT:: the punk rock version of the song http://artists.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/LIME/

[MIHALS]

funny stories

[deth]

Originally Posted by BADMIHAI I don't get the last one. What song is 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner"??? The rest, however, are hilarious.

the oscar meyer wiener song is about a hot dog sausage...he was looking at the woman's bits and whistleing that he wish he were a sausage.....get it?

[sameerrao]

LOL - good stuff

[styla21]

That's awesome haha!