evreything you could ever want
*not all that funny*
One day this rich guy was having a party at his house. He was loaded, and he had everything; money, a big house in Beverly Hills, drugs, girls, cars, planes; anything he wanted. The guy was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles. So there he was, him and his friends all standing around drinking, getting high and partying next to the pool.
The guy gets up on the life guard tower and all his friends look up. He calls for silence and says "OK, the first person the swims across my pool will get all my money."
No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd, draws on his joint and says "OK, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money and my house."
Still no one moves. "OK then, the first person the swims across my pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and planes."
Still, no one moves, not even an eye blinks this time. "OK then, all my money, my house, all my cars, all my planes, all the dope you can handle, all my property, all my stocks and bonds and investments and all the girls you can handle; everything I own."
"Splash!" Someone's in the pool. Crocodiles are all over him, but he rolls over like Tarzan, he's all over the place, fighting and dodging. Finally he gets out of the pool on the other side. The rich guy on tower jumps down and runs over to him.
"That was incredible! I never thought that I would ever see that done. Do you want the money now or later?" says the rich guy. "I don't want the money." "Do you want the house now or later?" "I don't want the house." "Do you want the cars and planes now or later" "I don't want the cars or the planes." "Do you want the bonds, stocks and stuff now or later?" "I don't want that either." "Do you want the drugs now or later?" "I don't want the drugs." "Do you want the girls now or later?" "I don't want the girls."
The rich guy looks at him and says "Well what the hell do you want?!?!"
"I want the cunt that pushed me in."
*gorss joke*
Edna and Bill were two residents of a nursing home who had been carrying on a love affair. They were both 96 years old, and wheelchair bound. Every night, they would meet in the TV room. Edna would passively hold Bill's penis and they would watch TV for an hour or so. It wasn't much, but it was all they had.
One night Bill didn't show up. He didn't show up for the next two nights either. Edna assumed he was dead, but then she saw him happily wheeling about the grounds.
She confronted him and said "Where were you these past couple of nights?"
He replied "If you must know, I was with another woman".
"Bastard!" she cried. "What were you doing?"
"We do the exact same thing that you and I do," he answered.
"Is she prettier or younger than I am?" she asked. "Nope; she looks the same, and she is 98 years old," Bill replied.
"Well then, what does she have that I don't?" Edna asked.
Bill smiled slyly and said "Parkinson's disease!"
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