Funny One Liners
1. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.
2. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
3. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef. Can you pea soup?
4. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
5. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
6. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
7. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
8. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
9. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
10. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
11. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna' Lose A Trailer.
12. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
13. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
14. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path.
15. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
16. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
17. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's.
18. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick.
19. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
20. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
21. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.
22. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
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I drink to your Charm, your Beauty and your Brains: which gives you a rough idea of how hard up I am for a drink. - Groucho Marx
Reality is just an illusion caused by a lack of Alcohol. - Sir Johnny Walker
Senator Hillary Clinton called for President Bush to begin pulling troops out of Iraq next year. And let me tell you something, when it comes to telling a president when to pull out, no one has more experience than Hillary Clinton. - Jay Leno
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