beavers sausage and more

[possessed_beaver]

A guy goes into a store and asks the clerk, "I'd like some French Sausage. "The clerk looks at him and says "Are you French?" The guy says, "Well, yes I am, but, if I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian??? Or if I had asked for German sausage, would you ask me if I was German??? Or if I wanted a taco would you ask if I was Mexican???" The clerk says, "Well, no." The guys says, "WELL, why do you ask me if I'm French just because I ask for French sausage? The clerk says, "Because this is a fucking hardware store."




An old farmer in Ohio had owned a large farm for several years. Out back was a pond which he'd spent countless hours beautifying. He'd added picnic tables, tree's, plants, BBQ's and even a basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond - He hadn't been there for a while and thought he better give it a look over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked." "I'm here to feed the alligator..."



A gentleman staying at the Ritz Hotel in London removes a card offering sexual services from a telephone box on Piccadilly. Back at the hotel he rings the number. A lady with a silky soft voice answers and asks if she can be of assistance.

The gentleman says, "I'd like a blow job, some missionary work, a little doggie-style, some mild bondage, finishing off with a pearl necklace. What do you think?" The lady says, "I think it sounds intriguing, sir, but you might like to press 9 first to get an outside line."