motor

PennStateFSAE · 12-05-2003, 09:42 AM

Sorry if you have seen this before.....

Dear Terri,
I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during
our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore.

The day you left, l swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was
just the wounded little boy in me talking, and you took away my
Lightning.

Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my
fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. l
guess my pride needed that.

But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things.

I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking
bad anymore. l don't care who makes the first move as long as one of
us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our
hurt. And this is what my heart says...

"There's no one like you, Terri."

I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but
they're not you. They're not even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at the Rainbow Room and brought her
home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate
the depth of my desperation. She was young, Terri, maybe 19, with one
of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent
ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you
wouldn't believe and a butt like a tortoise shell.

Every man's dream, right?

But as I sat on the couch being blown by this co-ed, I thought, look
at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so surface.
What does a perfect body mean?

Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes.

But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person?
Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Terri? I
doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know,
maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a quart of throat yogurt, I found
myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?"

It wasn't just her flawless technique or her unending shameless
hunger, but something else. Some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it
feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same
because you weren't there, Terri, to watch.

Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you, baby.
Jesus, Terri, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do
just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mum we met at Mt. Sinai Baptist
Church? Well, she drops by last week with a pan of lasagne. She said
she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't
know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story.
Anyway, we have a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know
we're kissing in our old bedroom. And this broad's a total monster in
the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does
when she's not hung up about God and her career and whether the kids
can hear us.

And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your
grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle
it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it
makes me sad too 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Terri ever
put the mirror on the floor?

We've had this old vanity for, what, 14 years, and we never used it
as a sex aid." (Some of this I thought about later.) You know what I
mean? What happened to our spontaneity? You get so caught up in the
routine of a marriage and you just lose sight of each other. And then
you lose yourself.

That's the saddest part of all for me.

But I keep thinking we can get it back. I know we can, because I only
want this stuff with you. Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy
of the restraining order. I mean, Shannon's just a kid and all, but
she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders. She's been a real
friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good
counsel about you and about women in general. (She's pulling for us
to get back together, Terri. She really is.)

So we're drinking in the hot tub and talking about happier times.

Here's this hot girl with the same DNA as you (although, let's face
it, she got an extra helping of the sexy gene) and all I can do is
think of how much she looks like you when you were 18. And that just
about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Shannon's really into the whole anal thing and
that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about
trying it. And how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness
between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside
the steaming hot Dutch oven of your sister's cinnamon ring, all I can
do is think of you? It's true, baby.

In your heart you know it.

Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances
and start fresh? I think we can. I keep thinking that I think if
you'd just try it, I wouldn't have to pressure you so much. Because
who needs all that bitterness, Terri? It just tears us apart. And I
can't be apart from you.

Because I love you, God help me but I do.

Yours,
Bill