2003 Darwin Awards

[Gallardo_lover]

Hi there,

I'm still a noob, so I'm not sure if this has already been posted, but this entertained me quite a bit... Enjoy

Darwinian Awards are out for 2003


Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual
honour given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by
killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's
winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled
over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
And the nominees this year in reverse order are:

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his
house down, killing both him and his sister.

6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died
of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall
and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra,
black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he
was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a
military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber
hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to
one end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The
tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and
was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad
trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was
hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
smell of a gas leak. Sensibly Management evacuated the building,
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they
had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of
the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion.
The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought
of as 'bright' by his peers.

AND THE WINNER IS...

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt
Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local
golf course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez
managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the
machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by
spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus
wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch.
Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than
a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance,
and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and
remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed
and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and
the rotating machinery inide. To add insult to injury,Sanchez broke a
new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the proshop, and was
using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for
surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.

NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't
die.
But
because he can not reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of
stupidity, we have allowed it.

[Ghostbat]

Can't believe how stupid some people are..

[Junk2006]

Some people are just fucking stupid