2 jokes
A man enters his favourite restaurant and sits at his regular table. Looking around, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby, all alone. He calls the waiter over and asks him to send their most expensive bottle of Merlot over to her, knowing that if she accepts it she is his.
The waiter gets the bottle and takes it over to the girl, saying, "This is from the gentleman over there," indicating him. She regards the wine coolly for a second and decides to send a note over to the man.
The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the lady.
It read: "For your information - I happen to have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW M3, a Mercedes CL600, Mclaryn F1 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back."
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the bar. It's filled to the brim with ten dollar bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars there. He approaches the bartender and asks him, "What's up with the jar?" The bartender tells him, "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests then you get all of the money." "What are the three tests?" "Pay first. Those are the rules."
So the guy gives him the ten bucks and the bartender adds it to the jar with the other bills. Bartender says "Okay, here's what you have to do... First you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth... you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a 90 year old woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her."
The man responds, "Well, I know I've paid my ten bucks but I'm not an idiot, I can't do all that... it's impossible!" "Well, you asked, and I told you... those are the rules, and your money stays in the jar" comes the reply.
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks but he does not make a face.
Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear a huge scuffle going on. They hear barking, screams, yelps and growling, and eventually silence. Just when they think the man must surely be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped to shreds and big scratches all over his body. "Now," he says, "where's that woman with the sore tooth?
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and contrary to geek as english is not my langage i didn't see it coming a mile away 
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