crazidude
03-07-2004, 02:34 AM
1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
4. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
5. Have you noticed that now since everyone seems to have a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to do?
6. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
8. Have you noticed that a "slight tax increase" costs you two hundred dollars, and a "substantial tax cut" saves you about thirty cents?
9. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
10. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
11. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally,but they hung around on these expired visas, for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster Video: you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you like white on rice! Well, let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration..
12. Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, gravely, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
4. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
5. Have you noticed that now since everyone seems to have a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to do?
6. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
8. Have you noticed that a "slight tax increase" costs you two hundred dollars, and a "substantial tax cut" saves you about thirty cents?
9. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
10. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
11. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally,but they hung around on these expired visas, for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster Video: you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you like white on rice! Well, let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration..
12. Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, gravely, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."