graywolf624
07-06-2007, 10:14 PM
Well, the reviews are about to crop up again for a while as I begin to have some more free time. I have been traveling around the country for various reasons so I did not have the opportunity to really test drive. That should be changing soon. In the mean time the first review of this new series is going to be a sort of rental car roundup. We all know rental cars tend to suck but that you can drive them like you stole them.. What happens when I drive 4 rental cars over 4 weeks?
So what is first up? Well the first vehicle I was given was clearly the worst. The Chevy Uplander. Due to a scarcity of rental vehicles this humongous pile of shit was dropped on me while the Mazda was serviced. This is clearly the biggest vehicle Iv'e ever driven short of a 15 passenger van. Not only was it huge, it looked like half a mini van and half an SUV complete with sliding doors; only there was nothing mini about the damn thing. It blocked out the sun. In fact worse then that, it had a faulty gas gauge. At least I hope it was faulty as the car ate a 1/4 of a tank in 15 miles.
Oh and don't forget the fake wood dashboard, what is it with car makers and this halfassed attempt at making car appear up market. Like anyone would confuse plastic for mahogany? At least the thing had 3 rows of seats. Really showed too, it wallowed like a wounded whale in about 4 feet of water. Luckily I returned the car after two days.
So what was the next travesty thrown upon me in rental roulette? How about a PT Cruiser in Tennessee. I have hated this car since I first laid eyes on it. Was I pleasantly surprised... HELL NO!. First off to leave the lot I needed to open the window, unfortunately I couldn't figure out where the window switch was. Apparently someone thought it would be cute to put the controls on top of the dash. So the car made me feel like a fool, strike one. Then there is the ride.. Wallow.. wallow... wallow. Your not going to corner in this trash.
Now I'm not sure what engine was in this white PT cruiser. What I can tell you is that it was damn slow and laggy. It sounded like it might have had a turbo, but it also could have been the engine was so sickly it was making weird noises. So not a good start.
After these two horrifying experiences I found myself in another rental car while another car was in the shop. What hell was bestowed upon me this time? A Chevy Malibu. Just about the most boring car in the world. I must say this car is achingly bad. It was just so mediocre as to make you feel like you were driving a refrigerator. Hit the squishy brakes and it eventually stopped, however if you were blind you probably wouldn't know the difference between moving and stopped as long as you weren't trying to corner. Attempt to corner though and your passenger and any loose items swing rapidly to the other side of the car as the fenders nearly touch the ground. Talk about body roll. My mother always told me to either say something nice or not say anything at all.. Well just about the only thing nice I can say about the car was it was roomy.
Which finally brings us to our last car, the gun down to the last chamber. Would it finish me off? Well no, but it tried. I was rented a AWD Saturn Vue. Another overkill SUV then, and I must say an utterly useless road vehicle. I had the displeasure of driving it countless highway miles, including proving it understeered on a dime right into a bank. (luckily the car was undamaged as was I). Who would have guessed the bullet would hit but Id survive?
Still this car ended up being somewhat enjoyable. What you say? Are you sure you didn't hit yourself in the head during the understeer? Well yes, you see part of my trip involved me going to a friends wedding in the deep south. You know dirt roads, mud puddles, and gravel.. the whole nine yards. Well I have to say for as poor as the AWD Vue was on the roads, it was shed loads of fun offroad. It handle any of the challenges I threw at it with aplomb, in an actual enjoyable manner. Now granted I didn't take it hardcore offroading or anything, but I still managed to have great fun with the car. It also managed to transport the keg for the wedding pretty well. It still had the crappy wood dash though, GM if your listening, quit it already. I guess the moral of the story is: If you want a good rental you need to take it mud bogging, off roading, and let it run you off the road and nearly kill you.
So what is first up? Well the first vehicle I was given was clearly the worst. The Chevy Uplander. Due to a scarcity of rental vehicles this humongous pile of shit was dropped on me while the Mazda was serviced. This is clearly the biggest vehicle Iv'e ever driven short of a 15 passenger van. Not only was it huge, it looked like half a mini van and half an SUV complete with sliding doors; only there was nothing mini about the damn thing. It blocked out the sun. In fact worse then that, it had a faulty gas gauge. At least I hope it was faulty as the car ate a 1/4 of a tank in 15 miles.
Oh and don't forget the fake wood dashboard, what is it with car makers and this halfassed attempt at making car appear up market. Like anyone would confuse plastic for mahogany? At least the thing had 3 rows of seats. Really showed too, it wallowed like a wounded whale in about 4 feet of water. Luckily I returned the car after two days.
So what was the next travesty thrown upon me in rental roulette? How about a PT Cruiser in Tennessee. I have hated this car since I first laid eyes on it. Was I pleasantly surprised... HELL NO!. First off to leave the lot I needed to open the window, unfortunately I couldn't figure out where the window switch was. Apparently someone thought it would be cute to put the controls on top of the dash. So the car made me feel like a fool, strike one. Then there is the ride.. Wallow.. wallow... wallow. Your not going to corner in this trash.
Now I'm not sure what engine was in this white PT cruiser. What I can tell you is that it was damn slow and laggy. It sounded like it might have had a turbo, but it also could have been the engine was so sickly it was making weird noises. So not a good start.
After these two horrifying experiences I found myself in another rental car while another car was in the shop. What hell was bestowed upon me this time? A Chevy Malibu. Just about the most boring car in the world. I must say this car is achingly bad. It was just so mediocre as to make you feel like you were driving a refrigerator. Hit the squishy brakes and it eventually stopped, however if you were blind you probably wouldn't know the difference between moving and stopped as long as you weren't trying to corner. Attempt to corner though and your passenger and any loose items swing rapidly to the other side of the car as the fenders nearly touch the ground. Talk about body roll. My mother always told me to either say something nice or not say anything at all.. Well just about the only thing nice I can say about the car was it was roomy.
Which finally brings us to our last car, the gun down to the last chamber. Would it finish me off? Well no, but it tried. I was rented a AWD Saturn Vue. Another overkill SUV then, and I must say an utterly useless road vehicle. I had the displeasure of driving it countless highway miles, including proving it understeered on a dime right into a bank. (luckily the car was undamaged as was I). Who would have guessed the bullet would hit but Id survive?
Still this car ended up being somewhat enjoyable. What you say? Are you sure you didn't hit yourself in the head during the understeer? Well yes, you see part of my trip involved me going to a friends wedding in the deep south. You know dirt roads, mud puddles, and gravel.. the whole nine yards. Well I have to say for as poor as the AWD Vue was on the roads, it was shed loads of fun offroad. It handle any of the challenges I threw at it with aplomb, in an actual enjoyable manner. Now granted I didn't take it hardcore offroading or anything, but I still managed to have great fun with the car. It also managed to transport the keg for the wedding pretty well. It still had the crappy wood dash though, GM if your listening, quit it already. I guess the moral of the story is: If you want a good rental you need to take it mud bogging, off roading, and let it run you off the road and nearly kill you.